You are your only limit. . . .

. . . . If you say you can do it you can if you say you can't then you can't. It's your choice ;)

Last few days have gone by so fast I can hardly believe its Thursday already. After writing
My blog on Monday I felt great I think the first time since I've started blogging about my challenge and Tuesday followed it up with an amazing quote I saw and its been a really long time since the universe has spoken to me so profoundly and loud but it was amazing and something I've really missed. The quote is the lotus flower philosophy by Tas Poetry and goes
"Through the waters of experience and into the bright sunshine of enlightenment revitalised despite the obstacles in its path for life is a journey where every moment is a step closer to your purpose and every experience is a source of wisdom so live and let live."
WOW answered pretty much everything I was thinking truly amazing  sexless to say I was on cloud nine the rest of the day. Wednesday that's a different story probably my harder day yet but I got through it I'm still alive.  So what I'm discovering is that all those icky thoughts I was having at the end of last week weren't just when I was drinking, those are the reasons I started drinking cuz at first it made me feel better. Then it got a little ugly and wasn't benefitting me in anyway, so now that I've figured out that part I just need to figure out why I think those things. And correct them. We had a guest speaker in class the other day that talked about self affirmation , always been a hard thing for me looking in the mirror telling myself how wonderful I am. . . . . Ummmmmm not really my thing makes me feel like I'm full of myself. But she told us how she recorded herself giving self affirmation and she would put it on repeat and play it through the night at she was sleeping for 30 days and she said it worked wonders for her, I want to do this but I have no idea what to say to myself and how I would record it and repeat it over and over through the night. I think boosting my self esteem and building my confidence is a big part of my vices and I am ready to change those things get to the core of the problem and move the frick on! Yes! I got this!

Day 10 Round 2 Nobody said it was going to be easy.....

.......last few of days where really tough not gonna lie I was exhausted by the end of last week which put me in that awful downward spiral you know the one that only takes a few seconds and the next thing you know, "your life is shit, what the hell are you doing, you can't do this, why did you think you could do this, there you go proving yourself right one more time.....usually these thoughts would be accompanied by a few roxy tonics, but I held out.  And then I thought wait why am I thinking these things I usually only got this way when I was drinking and I haven't been until yesterday :( a defeating day for sure I found an old bottle of peppermint schnapps from forever ago I think the first winter I lived here, anyway took a couple shots cleaned, sang at the top of my lungs and then....... cried. . . . So utterly disappointed in myself and today well really isn't much better,  went to yoga, I haven't been able to shut my brain up long enough in class it gets so clouded and so frustrating!  All I could think today is you can't so this.  What's it all for? What is this life for? What is the point? What am I working towards? I've always been a firm believer of becoming one with your soul and spirit and knowing yourself so well and I thought I had been doing that but maybe I haven't. I don't know as soon as I get to know me I change which is great change is good but even I can't keep up with myself. Accepting yourself and being at peace with yourself loving yourself, until you have any of this can you live a full life?  Do you just settle because getting to total enlightenment is just too hard? That's not a life I want, I don't want to settle for anything ever I want to know that I tried as hard as I could and be OKAY with failing a few times until I got it right.
I feel like so many negative things cloud my day I get so caught up because I try to show everyone that it doesn't always have to be so negative we don't have to judge or critize, why can't we just be. Exist, just be, love, live.
Forget about insecurities, yeah we all have them but don't let them consume you. It's funny because I say all of these things and one would think that if I know them then I live them all the time.  Or at least that is my expectation of myself. But I am human I slip, and just because I'm not complaining daily about how hard this challenge is for me doesn't' mean it isn't constantly there. That little devil on my shoulder saying you can't do this. I know I'm a pretty fricken strong person but even I have my weak moments even I need to be shown compassion, empathy, and understanding.

Well I've had about enough of all this feeling crap I have a presentation to give in the morning and I need to get some sleep.

Until next time......

I don't remember what day I'm on round 2 :)

Went to the 8:15pm class again tonight had energy most of the day awesome :) but now I am tired and a bit cranky. So gonna head to bed and get some good sleep going to the 6 am class tomorrow. It's gonna be a long long day.

Day 5 Round 2. . . . . . . sleep in day!

YAY!!!  I skipped the 6 am class and went to the 8:15 pm class instead......I was pretty tired most of the day until the middle of yoga now I feel energized and ready to get some stuff done......just in time for bed haha.  I found myself today going down that negative nasty road of icky thoughts and feelings usually associated with me being tired and not taking enough time for myself.....even though I am devoting 90 minutes a day to myself I still think I need just a bit more, or a new attitude......jury is still out on that one ;) maybe it's a fine balance? I always tell people no matter what the situation there is always a balance, it will be different from person to person since no one person is alike.  Find that balance within you, embrace it and make it yours!  I also found myself wanting to give up a lot today there was more than one time when I just wanted to come home sit on my couch and stare at the wall and think about absolutely nothing.......I saw a quote that made me think other wise

"Never give up. Never ever give up. Why? Because just when you are about to give up is when things are about to turn around in a grand way. Hold on. Great things are waiting for you around the corner."
Sonia Ricotti

Ahhhhhhhh. . . . . . . Okay I'll keep going :)

Day 4 Round 2 I want a beer.........

. . . . . . . .but I'll settle for this big bottle of water. . . . . .

having a hard time staying positive about this challenge today.  Today was definitely a good day but man am I tired! I guess I just can't expect everything to be all puppy dogs and rainbows after only  8 days of yoga, 12 days no drinking, and 9 days no cigarettes.  but I guess I will say that my overall mood has become better and choosing to be happy and not let the small things get to me has been a bit easier until today. Work it always gets me!  I liked when I managed because then i could tell someone when they aren't doing a very good job now I have to deal with it and hope that it gets better.......how do people live like this????  Okay that's all the complaining I'm going to do about that.
I have about 2 1/2 weeks left of school, I'm starting my internship on September 3rd at a gym called Solid fitness the owner was the director of the personal training program I'm in right now, he left and opened his own gym so I will be teaching some of the boot camp classes that the will be offering which I'm really excited about.
 But seriously whose idea was it to do yoga everyday for 30 days on top of my already busy schedule????  Sometimes I think of these things and know the benefits of them so naturally one would think hey I can do that it will be so amazing when I'm done..........key words here being "when I'm done"  1/3 of the way there.....I got this and when I am done it will be so amazing I am already seeing small changes.  I know it's not going to be all dramatic like I like to be sometimes :)  or how I like to go about things sometimes :) But they are small changes and I am taking them in one win at a time :)  Today I was on the news :) Good Day Colorado was at the Bikram yoga studio that I practice at so I got my few minutes of fame I'll post the link.  No laughing though it was at the beginning of the floor series and my face is beat red and I look like I just got out of a pool......oh almost forgot I'm in the first video but you should watch all three just to get an idea of what the class is like :)
enjoy :)
http://kdvr.com/2012/08/14/its-hot-in-here/

Day 3 Round 2

Hmmmmmm........I don't really know what to write tonight.  Today was long and draining.  I didn't get to eat a lot so I was pretty cranky from about 1:00 on. Went to the gym after work and got some cardio in decided to weigh myself cuz I haven't done it in a while.........now I remember why........just a number, how I feel is more important to me.  I'm gonna have to figure out an eating schedule so I can eat enough food to keep me energized through the day.  And man it's hard to remember to drink lots of water. . . . . . .must be drinking enough though because I haven't been getting any headaches SWEET!!
I got into class early today while I was lying on the towel acclimating to the heat and relaxing I was thinking about all the things I am grateful for, it really is so easy to take things for granted.  Or to even just get wrapped up in the day to day things, I think there is a fine line between getting too wrapped up and being present in every moment in your life.  Have you ever just stopped and walked yourself through something you are doing? Being mindful of how you are eating.......tasting every bite, chewing, doing nothing but sit there and think about eating and that's it.  I've tried it's almost as hard as meditating, sometimes shutting your mind up is a really hard thing.  . . . . . . . .

Day11 no alcohol
Day 8 no cigarettes.........Seems like forever

Day 2 Round 2

Hey All
 I decided that since I missed friday yoga I'm restarting my 30 days, yesterday was day 1 and it was really really hard and emotional I started tearing up in class now I've heard of this happening but never thought it would happen to me HA WRONG!  I've also noticed that I hate crying in front of people more than anything in the world I would rather be in a dentist chair throwing up with an eye doctor shooting air into my eye.  So what Ive gathered from that is that I really need to embrace my sad emotions........I think..........Went to dinner friday night was the first weekend night out with no alcohol I was a little cranky at first but pushed through I really wanted a drink. Was invited to a pool party on saturday since class was so hard I took myself shopping and put my big girl pants on for about 5 minutes and started driving to the party and decided that putting myself around drinking and smoking probably wasn't the best idea just yet :( so I went to the animal shelter and looked at cute puppies :)  All right one weekend down 3 more to go.......

Today was like nothing even happened yesterday I went in with a clear head and rocked the session out felt great!!!

Day 5 Rolling with the punches.....

Missed class this morning :(  Really really bummed about it!  And once I realized I forgot to set my alarm I also realized I forgot to blog last night. . . . . . just wasn't my day yesterday at all. It was enough to almost make me cry but I hate crying so I sucked it up and went and got some coffee and pet a really really cute puppy pretty much turned my frown upside down. So typically I would just go to the 8:15 class since I missed this morning, however on friday's the last class is at 6:30 right when I'm getting off work.  So gonna check out a couple other yoga places hopefully I can find a class to drop in at. 
So since I forgot to post yesterday I'll fill you in on that wonderful day. . . . . . so I didn't get up yesterday morning and go to yoga my body was just really tired so I slept in.......also decided yoga twice a day with my schedule probably isn't the best idea, because then when I go to bed at night I forget to set my alarm and I screw everything up.......I also remembered I'm doing a mud run in a little over a month that I need to start training for so yoga once a day 7 days a week and training for my mud run 6 days a week, I got this!  OKAY so school yesterday put me in a sour sour mood and sent my anxiety levels through the roof.....which I typically don't get anxious and I think when I used to I would calm it with a smoke and a roxy tonic/beer/glass of wine.......as you all know I have quit both of those for the next 30 days well smoking forever, but anyway needless to say I dealt with my anxiety the best I knew how to without my 2 vices and went on with my day, mentally exhausting by the way having that inner battle of should I smoke?????  surely one would be okay no one will know but then I have to buy the whole pack......temptation.......nope I won't do it..........by the way I had a dream the other night that had a giant bottle of vodka in it you know those oversized grey goose bottles you sometimes see......yeah always nice to dream about. sorry side note. When I went to yoga yesterday I was tired I didn't feel like being there and I just could not focus, my mind kept wondering and chatting up a little storm in my head silencing her was pretty much impossible. When I was lying on floor finished with class the thought came into my head again.......I really want a cigarette.......UGH!!  SERIOUSLY GO AWAY!!!!  Needless to say I've been singing at the top of my lungs in my car when I'm driving helps relieve the stress a bit. gotta run to school but will write more later I still have lots to say.
Anxiety.......felt it when I stopped to get gas this morning, it must be my lucky day the esthetician's at our school did an energy cleanse on us so I feel much better and I got to cleanse them which was pretty fricken awesome, have you ever actually felt someone elses energy?  It's like nothing I've ever experienced I've felt my own equally amazing just being able to tap into that is amazing in itself.  
Turns out that there are no yoga classes anywhere tonight after I get off work so I will settle for going to the gym and train for my mud run and restart my 30 days tomorrow. Rollin with the punches it's not the end of the world, it didn't break me, I'm still alive and I'm okay :)

Day 3

Mentally and emotionally I feel great today, my body is a bit tired.  I'm still trying to figure out the right amount of food to eat and what to eat to give me the most energy throughout the day.  But today I really felt like I could take on the world positively and I haven't felt that way in a really really long time it's like in the last month I re found the happiness I thought I had lost forever, the happiness I thought I had to work so hard for and it turns out it was a tweak in my choices and my attitude. And this yoga is enhancing it so much that I don't even want to smoke or drink the 2 vices I turned to when I wasn't very happy and it brought just a little bit of joy to my world.  Don't get me wrong there are moments where a drink sounds good or a smoke but it last just a minute and then it's gone. 
I went to the 6 am class this morning it was a bit more challenging than the 2 classes before, tonight when I went to the 8:15 class I was pretty tired and didn't think I would do very well but I was able to do a couple poses I wasn't able to do in the 6 am class so that felt good, my body is tired and telling me to go to bed so until tomorrow........

Day 2

Phew, it's only the second day of yoga which I have not attented yet going to the 8:15 class was planning on going to spin this morning but I slept in instead a bit irritated with myself for that one. Im thinking I might like the morning yoga better but I know I won't be able to go every morning. So some night classes will have to do.  I'm wondering if trying to do spin 5 days a week and yoga 7 days is too much on my plate. . . . . I was just saying the other day I don't usually just stick my toe in to test the waters I'm more of a jump two feet in and hope like hell I can swim really well and stay afloat haha I've gotten really good at doggy paddling ;)
So I was tired most of the day today I drank coffee too late last night and didn't sleep well another reason I didn't get up  this morning. So after yoga yesterday I had a headache I figured it was be cause I didn't drink enough water, and my body was cleansing itself of toxins. but I had it again today and realized it was not from lack of water but from lack of nicotine and maybe alcohol. . . . I'm a lil hesitant to say that because even though I did drink daily I don't think it was enough to give me withdrawals. So 2 days no smoking and 4 days no drinking. I've found myself getting a bit irritable about little things and the crazy girl that lives in my head from time to time has been trying to hang out with me all day keeping her in check has been a bit trying for sure. I think some breathing exercise and a solid sweat session should take care of the problem I'll keep y'all posted when Im finished with the class

Day 1

So I've decided to start this blog to share my 30 day challenge to quite smoking and stop drinking (my two unhealthiest vices) and to achieve an overall feeling of well being and fitness. It's been awhile since I have felt an overall peace within myself and where or when I lost it I'm not sure, or maybe it was never there, I don't know but I find myself more than ever wanting to feel good, wanting to be good to my body, put healthy things into my body and connect my mind and body.  Last Friday we had a guest speaker come to our class to talk about Bikram yoga, I didn't know much about it just that the room is heated to 105 degrees with 50% humidity and there are 26 poses that you do in 90 minutes. Honestly didn't really sound like a good time to me as I was never really into yoga I felt like it was too slow and I found myself getting bored and not feeling like I was really working or getting a good workout in.   (Side note, I recently attended a vinyasa yoga class that I really enjoyed.) When  Dave the guest speaker started talking about the benefits of Bikram yoga I was sold instantly, he had told his story of how he got started in Bikram yoga and how it changed his whole lifestyle.  He spoke about how anyone can do it some people start and do it everyday or some people go a few times a week you can be overweight, old, young, healthy, or unhealthy. ANYONE can do it he said. He had said he was a smoker and the breathing technique (pranayama) helped his lungs recover to a healthier state. He challenged himself to go to a Bikram yoga class everyday for 60 days in a row. Thus where I got my 30 day challenge , I can't exactly explain why I chose this type of yoga as today was the first day I have ever tired it (really enjoyed it btw) but as soon as he said anyone can do it and spoke of the benefits I committed to myself to try it for 30 days, I was ecstatic the rest of the day I couldn't wait for today to start my new adventure in yoga and purging my life of my two unhealthiest vices.  The class was intense in a ways can't explain, I got through the entire class and felt great! I'm eager to start seeing and feeling the benefits of taking on this challenge.  And this might sound weird but I am even more eager to see what challenges I encounter taking on this challenge and how I will overcome them and come out on top. Until tomorrow.......