You are your only limit. . . .

. . . . If you say you can do it you can if you say you can't then you can't. It's your choice ;)

Last few days have gone by so fast I can hardly believe its Thursday already. After writing
My blog on Monday I felt great I think the first time since I've started blogging about my challenge and Tuesday followed it up with an amazing quote I saw and its been a really long time since the universe has spoken to me so profoundly and loud but it was amazing and something I've really missed. The quote is the lotus flower philosophy by Tas Poetry and goes
"Through the waters of experience and into the bright sunshine of enlightenment revitalised despite the obstacles in its path for life is a journey where every moment is a step closer to your purpose and every experience is a source of wisdom so live and let live."
WOW answered pretty much everything I was thinking truly amazing  sexless to say I was on cloud nine the rest of the day. Wednesday that's a different story probably my harder day yet but I got through it I'm still alive.  So what I'm discovering is that all those icky thoughts I was having at the end of last week weren't just when I was drinking, those are the reasons I started drinking cuz at first it made me feel better. Then it got a little ugly and wasn't benefitting me in anyway, so now that I've figured out that part I just need to figure out why I think those things. And correct them. We had a guest speaker in class the other day that talked about self affirmation , always been a hard thing for me looking in the mirror telling myself how wonderful I am. . . . . Ummmmmm not really my thing makes me feel like I'm full of myself. But she told us how she recorded herself giving self affirmation and she would put it on repeat and play it through the night at she was sleeping for 30 days and she said it worked wonders for her, I want to do this but I have no idea what to say to myself and how I would record it and repeat it over and over through the night. I think boosting my self esteem and building my confidence is a big part of my vices and I am ready to change those things get to the core of the problem and move the frick on! Yes! I got this!

Day 10 Round 2 Nobody said it was going to be easy.....

.......last few of days where really tough not gonna lie I was exhausted by the end of last week which put me in that awful downward spiral you know the one that only takes a few seconds and the next thing you know, "your life is shit, what the hell are you doing, you can't do this, why did you think you could do this, there you go proving yourself right one more time.....usually these thoughts would be accompanied by a few roxy tonics, but I held out.  And then I thought wait why am I thinking these things I usually only got this way when I was drinking and I haven't been until yesterday :( a defeating day for sure I found an old bottle of peppermint schnapps from forever ago I think the first winter I lived here, anyway took a couple shots cleaned, sang at the top of my lungs and then....... cried. . . . So utterly disappointed in myself and today well really isn't much better,  went to yoga, I haven't been able to shut my brain up long enough in class it gets so clouded and so frustrating!  All I could think today is you can't so this.  What's it all for? What is this life for? What is the point? What am I working towards? I've always been a firm believer of becoming one with your soul and spirit and knowing yourself so well and I thought I had been doing that but maybe I haven't. I don't know as soon as I get to know me I change which is great change is good but even I can't keep up with myself. Accepting yourself and being at peace with yourself loving yourself, until you have any of this can you live a full life?  Do you just settle because getting to total enlightenment is just too hard? That's not a life I want, I don't want to settle for anything ever I want to know that I tried as hard as I could and be OKAY with failing a few times until I got it right.
I feel like so many negative things cloud my day I get so caught up because I try to show everyone that it doesn't always have to be so negative we don't have to judge or critize, why can't we just be. Exist, just be, love, live.
Forget about insecurities, yeah we all have them but don't let them consume you. It's funny because I say all of these things and one would think that if I know them then I live them all the time.  Or at least that is my expectation of myself. But I am human I slip, and just because I'm not complaining daily about how hard this challenge is for me doesn't' mean it isn't constantly there. That little devil on my shoulder saying you can't do this. I know I'm a pretty fricken strong person but even I have my weak moments even I need to be shown compassion, empathy, and understanding.

Well I've had about enough of all this feeling crap I have a presentation to give in the morning and I need to get some sleep.

Until next time......

I don't remember what day I'm on round 2 :)

Went to the 8:15pm class again tonight had energy most of the day awesome :) but now I am tired and a bit cranky. So gonna head to bed and get some good sleep going to the 6 am class tomorrow. It's gonna be a long long day.

Day 5 Round 2. . . . . . . sleep in day!

YAY!!!  I skipped the 6 am class and went to the 8:15 pm class instead......I was pretty tired most of the day until the middle of yoga now I feel energized and ready to get some stuff done......just in time for bed haha.  I found myself today going down that negative nasty road of icky thoughts and feelings usually associated with me being tired and not taking enough time for myself.....even though I am devoting 90 minutes a day to myself I still think I need just a bit more, or a new attitude......jury is still out on that one ;) maybe it's a fine balance? I always tell people no matter what the situation there is always a balance, it will be different from person to person since no one person is alike.  Find that balance within you, embrace it and make it yours!  I also found myself wanting to give up a lot today there was more than one time when I just wanted to come home sit on my couch and stare at the wall and think about absolutely nothing.......I saw a quote that made me think other wise

"Never give up. Never ever give up. Why? Because just when you are about to give up is when things are about to turn around in a grand way. Hold on. Great things are waiting for you around the corner."
Sonia Ricotti

Ahhhhhhhh. . . . . . . Okay I'll keep going :)

Day 4 Round 2 I want a beer.........

. . . . . . . .but I'll settle for this big bottle of water. . . . . .

having a hard time staying positive about this challenge today.  Today was definitely a good day but man am I tired! I guess I just can't expect everything to be all puppy dogs and rainbows after only  8 days of yoga, 12 days no drinking, and 9 days no cigarettes.  but I guess I will say that my overall mood has become better and choosing to be happy and not let the small things get to me has been a bit easier until today. Work it always gets me!  I liked when I managed because then i could tell someone when they aren't doing a very good job now I have to deal with it and hope that it gets better.......how do people live like this????  Okay that's all the complaining I'm going to do about that.
I have about 2 1/2 weeks left of school, I'm starting my internship on September 3rd at a gym called Solid fitness the owner was the director of the personal training program I'm in right now, he left and opened his own gym so I will be teaching some of the boot camp classes that the will be offering which I'm really excited about.
 But seriously whose idea was it to do yoga everyday for 30 days on top of my already busy schedule????  Sometimes I think of these things and know the benefits of them so naturally one would think hey I can do that it will be so amazing when I'm done..........key words here being "when I'm done"  1/3 of the way there.....I got this and when I am done it will be so amazing I am already seeing small changes.  I know it's not going to be all dramatic like I like to be sometimes :)  or how I like to go about things sometimes :) But they are small changes and I am taking them in one win at a time :)  Today I was on the news :) Good Day Colorado was at the Bikram yoga studio that I practice at so I got my few minutes of fame I'll post the link.  No laughing though it was at the beginning of the floor series and my face is beat red and I look like I just got out of a pool......oh almost forgot I'm in the first video but you should watch all three just to get an idea of what the class is like :)
enjoy :)
http://kdvr.com/2012/08/14/its-hot-in-here/

Day 3 Round 2

Hmmmmmm........I don't really know what to write tonight.  Today was long and draining.  I didn't get to eat a lot so I was pretty cranky from about 1:00 on. Went to the gym after work and got some cardio in decided to weigh myself cuz I haven't done it in a while.........now I remember why........just a number, how I feel is more important to me.  I'm gonna have to figure out an eating schedule so I can eat enough food to keep me energized through the day.  And man it's hard to remember to drink lots of water. . . . . . .must be drinking enough though because I haven't been getting any headaches SWEET!!
I got into class early today while I was lying on the towel acclimating to the heat and relaxing I was thinking about all the things I am grateful for, it really is so easy to take things for granted.  Or to even just get wrapped up in the day to day things, I think there is a fine line between getting too wrapped up and being present in every moment in your life.  Have you ever just stopped and walked yourself through something you are doing? Being mindful of how you are eating.......tasting every bite, chewing, doing nothing but sit there and think about eating and that's it.  I've tried it's almost as hard as meditating, sometimes shutting your mind up is a really hard thing.  . . . . . . . .

Day11 no alcohol
Day 8 no cigarettes.........Seems like forever

Day 2 Round 2

Hey All
 I decided that since I missed friday yoga I'm restarting my 30 days, yesterday was day 1 and it was really really hard and emotional I started tearing up in class now I've heard of this happening but never thought it would happen to me HA WRONG!  I've also noticed that I hate crying in front of people more than anything in the world I would rather be in a dentist chair throwing up with an eye doctor shooting air into my eye.  So what Ive gathered from that is that I really need to embrace my sad emotions........I think..........Went to dinner friday night was the first weekend night out with no alcohol I was a little cranky at first but pushed through I really wanted a drink. Was invited to a pool party on saturday since class was so hard I took myself shopping and put my big girl pants on for about 5 minutes and started driving to the party and decided that putting myself around drinking and smoking probably wasn't the best idea just yet :( so I went to the animal shelter and looked at cute puppies :)  All right one weekend down 3 more to go.......

Today was like nothing even happened yesterday I went in with a clear head and rocked the session out felt great!!!